Anticipation

This weekend was great, lots of time to relax, but as we got closer to home, sometimes there has been too much time to reflect.

I’m sitting at SCCA, waiting for my appointments to begin, and I’m feeling sick to my stomach. Much of the last 24 hours as this time has approached, I’ve felt like there’s a big weight on my chest, like my 17 lb dog is just sitting on me and I can’t quite breathe… But now I’m fighting a full blown panic attack. I don’t feel brave and tough or ninja-like, I’m just scared. I keep checking to see if it has gone away. No such luck.

This weekend was my 20 yr HS reunion- I hadn’t decided to go, but the diagnosis clinched it. I couldn’t imagine what else I’d think of to say about me… Since it’s all I can think about.

Headed in. Will update with next steps this evening. For now I’ll concentrate on not throwing up. 🙂

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