I sent my boys (husband, 9-year-old, and father who is visiting from Arizona) out to go watch the Boeing Classic at TPC Snoqualmie Ridge today, and I think they’ll be out a while since I was in enough pain this morning  that I not only bit off each of their heads this morning, but started to cry. You can imagine how well THAT went over.

I think the pain can be attributed to two things that prove that I’m not actually super woman, and that I’m pushing too hard:

1. Yesterday the boy had a pee-wee football jamboree at the local high school, which meant 4+ hours of either standing or sitting in bleachers. We have some awesome seats with back support, but still, more work than my body is willing to do.
2. I’ve been trying to go off of the pain meds, and that’s just dumb. Oxy makes me itchy, like under my skin, which drives me nuts, but it also kills the pain. So I need to actually take it when I hurt. Aleve isn’t quite enough yet, when I try to do silly things like walk a lot, or sit somewhere other than a comfy, supportive, relaxing chair.

After my last post, a friend asked how the boys are handling this, and I think the best way to describe it has been that all of my family feels a little helpless. Everyone is a little on edge, patience is a little thin, and that makes it harder for everyone.

The sidekick, the man I’ve spent almost 20 years of my life with, has been indispensible. He has been patient, understanding, and has been there for absolutely anything I could ever think to need. However, he’s now spent 9 of the last 11 days with my parents in the house. Both my mom and dad came separately because they divorced more than 30 years ago, and have not spoken since our wedding 15 years ago, but that means more time of there being another person here who adds to the stress in their own way. I wanted them each to come so they could see that I’m OK and focus on their own lives but Mom didn’t want to freak in front of me, so she borrowed my rock of a husband to freak out on while he was working to not freak out himself. And Dad has been bored, and therefore grumpy. But I’m not entertaining, and we don’t really want him to do projects around the house this week while we’re in recovery mode. Add to this the fact that every year for the last 16, the sidekick has had his own mental meltdown as he gets ready to teach some high school math… which starts in a few short days, and I’m surprised that he’s still sticking around when I get bitchy because I hurt. Or at least that he hasn’t just started force-feeding me pain meds when he starts to see it coming. Again, admitting out loud, every time he’s told me I should take something, he’s been right.

This means that his patience is even thinner for my little man. Sully’s been very patient, and we’ve been very open with him exactly what is going on, but still, it’s hard to remember that his sharp little elbows can hurt mom if he’s not careful when hugging. And after spending the whole summer home with dad, he’s also losing some patience. He’s seen me layed up, when my appendix burst last year I was in pain for 8 days until we got it out of there, and then for another week while I healed, but I’ve never seemed OK, but not been able to make him a sandwich. So although he gets what’s going on intellectually (I’ve even shown him pictures online of things like tissue expanders, so he knows what those are… he hasn’t asked to see the actual former breast area yet… not sure what I’d say about that) I think it’s still been emotionally tough for him. He’s the least control freak in the household, but he still doesn’t like being this out of control. So he takes it out on us by being distracted at anytime he’s not staring at his DS. I don’t think it’s malicious, but that doesn’t make it not then frustrate his parents. I think I mentioned said parents’ short fuses? Sigh.

The boy who always lives with me and seems to be taking this the best is the little hairy one. He simply has attached himself to me, and if at all possible, is in my lap, including in the leather chair he’s not normally welcome to sit in… But even a dog can be thrown off by the odd vibes in the house. Tuesday when we got ready to go to the genetic counselor’s office, he started barking at me as I got dressed, and then tried to sneak into the car with us, like he knew that I was going to over do it. And when we got home, he said, “I told you so,” by staying away from the sidekick, when all he wanted to do is feed him.  We even dropped a piece of his food on the floor and he RAN AWAY FROM THE FOOD. Not normal dog behavior.

So to make a SUPER long answer short, but boys are doing as okay as anyone could ever expect, and way better than I deserve. Lucky, lucky, lucky me!