This afternoon I see my doctor for the first time since I finished Chemo & started Tamoxifen, and I have a new obsession that I can’t get out of my head.
If my mom went two years cancer free and it’s back, other than take a little white pill every morning, what do I need to do to keep the cancer away?
As always, any cancer that comes back to my person should expect its ass to get kicked. But I’ve started to wonder if my belief that cancer is a chapter in my life that is OVER is naïve, and burying my head in the sand?
I want it to be done, over, gone, and for so many women who I’ve talked to, that happens. But when your mother is fighting cancer for the third time in your life, sometimes it’s hard to believe that I’ll be one of those women. What if there’s some kind of cancer magnet in my DNA?
So today I will ask, “What’s up doc?” and I will not burst into song. And despite my fears for both myself, and more so, my mom, I’m pretty sure I will not burst into tears.
Because yes, if it comes back, I will kick its ass again. I know I can. But as my chest continues to ache, and my fingers occasionally go numb, and my toes are slightly numb all of the time, I really, really don’t WANT to have to.