I go in every three months for a while, so I suppose that I shouldn’t expect much from my doctors visits, but this one was pretty uneventful.  I’d actually planned to write an update Tuesday, but there was so little new to say that I just wasn’t feeling it.

Here’s the basics.  I told them how I’m doing.  They said sounds great.  No tests or anything.  They didn’t even take blood, although I did go get my flu shot.  I’ll probably ask when they do any PET or CT scans or anything when I see him again in 3 months, just so that I know when we may do that.

My doctor says that the hot flashes that I’m starting to have mean that the Tamoxifen is working, which I suppose is encouraging.  I’ve been getting them more lately… and at more random times… but it’s still not anything that disrupts my life at this point.  For me, they feel a lot like I’m having a panic attack. I feel flushed, my face gets hot, and I start to feel a little out of breath.  At least I assume those are the hot flashes.  Otherwise I’ve added blushing to my previous panic attacks.

When I asked for more things to do to make sure this cancer crap doesn’t come back, “Keep up a healthy lifestyle, like getting enough sleep,” was the not, so helpful answer.  Especially when I’d just said that I’m having a hard time sleeping.  I don’t get night sweats or anything, I just can’t get to sleep, and then have a hard time staying asleep.  Pretty sure that’s because of a combo of stress and chest discomfort.

On the chest discomfort front, for some reason, for the last week or so it’s been worse and doesn’t seem to be going away.  Part of it is that I know I activate my pecs when I type, so pounding away on a keyboard all day exacerbates the issue, but I’ve added a new theory to the mix.

Pain = Gain

See, when they took out my cartoon boobies and put the water balloons that have become rocks in, they cut a lot of nerves.  So at first, there was a lot of numbness.  And the numbness is still there in a lot of ways, but the sharp, needle-like pains that I’ve been having?  They must mean that the nerves are doing something in there.

So I’ve decided that it’s a GOOD thing that they hurt, because that means the tissue is alive and healthy.  If they just felt dead, then they wouldn’t be regenerating right?

This theory may not be based on medical advice, but damn it, it’s what I’m going to stick with for the next 8 weeks or so.

Because without being able to find a bright side, I’m not sure if I’d make it.  And really, it’s not like NOT making it is an option.