I’ve been wearing a lot of lipstick lately.
It’s hard to feel like a girl with franken-boobies, tiny eyelashes, and hair that bald men are jealous of… but to the rest of the world, still looks pretty dang bald.
I don’t think I was really a girly-girl growing up, although I was never really a tomboy at all. But I rarely wore dresses, and never had any delusions of being a princess. But as I got older, I got more into makeup… as long as it didn’t take more than 5 min to put on. Same with my hair, it’s been at least longer than chin length for the last 25 years, but I’ve never really liked to take time to do much with it. If a style doesn’t work to air dry, it doesn’t work for me. I’ve almost always got a pedi, but until they came out with this gel stuff that lasts for weeks, I couldn’t have a manicure… I didn’t have the patience to not ruin it almost immediately.
But then, after I hit puberty, if anyone actually looked at me, there was no question that I was a woman. W-O-M-A-N. Really, even if I didn’t have the hair, mascara, nails, lip gloss, I still had cartoon boobs. All the way back into high school, I may not have been a K cup, but I was bustier than the average girl. But at my last fill, both the doctor and nurse didn’t realize I’m already at 960cc and done with my fills. I am a busty girl no more. Hell, I don’t even have nipples at the moment. Just straight scars.
And for the last several months, I’ve had relatively girly things wrapped around my head. Because it’s one of my favorite colors, most of my scarves have some pink in them. My Chemobeanie that is black has ruffles. Even my fedora has a pleated satin band, which makes it just that much girlier.
But now that I’m letting my hair be my scalp-cover, I again, feel a little less feminine.
As you can see, my eyebrows have come back enough that they no longer look like odd punctuation on my face. But my lashes are so short that I can’t wear mascara without looking bizarre. So I put on a little extra eyeliner, maybe more blush, and I PANICED when I realize I lost my favorite lipstick… MAC Lustering.
Not everything can be solved by dangly earrings and lipstick, but damn it, I’ll continue to try. I don’t want to forget what it feels like for a girl.